Reader Question:

i have already been buddies with this particular woman for some time. She broke up with the woman boyfriend. We’ve been texting a great deal – like 200 messages per week. I keep acquiring blended signals from the couple seeking girl, and I also enjoy their. Ought I go for it? But I do not need to destroy the friendship possibly. We also go out, and that I believe she looks for me from inside the halls.

-Ivan S. Bently (Kansas)

Professional’s Response:

Hi, Ivan. Many thanks for trusting you using this important individual problem.

There are a lot of possibilities to explain what are you doing here, but allow me to supply my «take.» To start with, you say she actually is sending mixed indicators, which probably means this woman is confused rather than clear on just what actually she wishes.

She could have thoughts or expectations when it comes down to commitment she just kept, or she might be waiting for you to make a step. She may still be in the recovery process, and she may not be prepared to be seen publicly with another guy however.

Texting could be her means of reaching out and hooking up right now while she finishes psychologically disconnecting from her ex. She can be confused if the woman friendship for your family occasionally looks likes it is evolving into some thing bigger, but she’s uncertain if you «like» like their.

For you, Ivan, you are in a really precarious spot immediately. She is in the rebound and requires psychological help. She trusts you and seems better whenever she offers some messages or hangs around with you. She searches for you in the halls because she wants you, in one single way or any other, and that is the place you need to be careful. In the event that you put the relationship first above your own interest in matchmaking the lady as a girlfriend, you are in really serious threat of becoming directed to your «friend region,» that’s an arduous location to escape from.

My personal information to you personally is to get combined with her and chat physically. It should be earlier in the day and quicker than an actual day, however it offers a notion if she desires see you or not. Inform the lady she has to move out and get an hour to chuckle and luxuriate in by herself therefore would really love the chance to speak with this lady in more depth, as well. Choose an area where your pals never ever get – perhaps a Starbucks anywhere – so she’s going to feel as if her confidentiality is shielded.

Ask the lady exactly how she actually is performing of course, if she actually is certainly finished with her ex. Shell out very close attention to her body language. Is she bending closer or away? Is she big-eyed and smiling, or detached and considerate? Is actually she behaving «girly» or like a buddy?

There’s something else you must do: Tell the girl in a very matter-of-fact method in which you like their. After that do not say another phrase. This lady has to-be the next a person to speak. Appear her directly within the vision so she will see your energy plus sincerity. Boldly and confidently grasp the woman shoulder or arms. Just make sure she understands you are searching for her in an enchanting man-woman sorts of means.

Be strong and kind but never psychological or hopeless. Make this lady wish come to you for the caring and comfortable man you are rather than the wonderful man that is «safe» and harmless. The woman real ideas and objectives should display on their own while the dialogue unfolds.

Do it now,

Nick